• Published on

    The Car Accident Speech (Video!)

    This is what bus drivers sound like when they tell stories. Pardon the jargon! The event described happened years ago, but it still means a lot to me. The things the two women in this story taught me, without even trying… these are the sorts of giants I learn from, and feel lucky enough to interact with. 

    I know you've got eight minutes– seven and change, really– and procrastinating can be fun! Enjoy!

    Watch Nathan's other speeches at various venues around Seattle here.
  • Published on

    Two Quick Shows for September

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    I'm hugely grateful I can sell my work for gallery-competitive prices. How did this happen? I honestly have no idea. It hasn't been necessary to price them as low as $100 for a while now, and I count myself lucky; but in the interest of tradition (and fun, because why not!), it's still possible to buy my work for that price once a year, at the 57 Biscayne's glorious 100 Under $100 show– as well as that of many other excellent local artists. Stop by 110 Cherry Street tonight, for their 5pm-9pm event; I'll be present at the beginning and end of the show!

    Around the corner, my work will also be up at Arundel Books' remounting of Good Arts Building's May show, "Original Hits by Original Artists: 33 1/3 TOTALLY FAKE LP Album Covers," which you may recall me writing about why it's special here. It was received well enough to be remounted here. That's also from 5-9 tonight. There's no reason not to stop in at Arundel Books. I'll pop in there too!

    Apologies for the laughably late minute notice. More details here
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    Gangsta Phone Etiquette, Deep Breaths & Kindness Rising

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    It's the urban fashion du jour for how to hold a phone, and it confounds me. 

    You hold your phone, which is not on speakerphone, like a fragile radioactive pebble of a walkie-talkie, and you constantly switch from holding the phone to your ear to listen, and more often holding it flat directly in front of your mouth to spew into. I see this only in inner-city urban areas, or amongst young people pretending to be from urban inner-city areas. None of these fine folks were alive early enough to know how to operate a CB radio, but that's exactly how they use their smartphones. I'm perfectly willing to understand others' idiosyncrasies, but it seems to me about as useful as the inner-city side grip method of firing a gun, which does nothing except make aiming extraordinarily difficult, and became popular only because it was used by fictional gangster characters in 1990s-era movies and TV shows. 

    Milan Kundera wrote once that all gestures are appropriated, because that's the only way they acquire meaning. I've got a shiny new dime for anyone who can tell me who managed to glamorize pretending a cell phone works like a Project 25 transceiver, and what on earth that signifies in terms of status or cool. It reminds me of a teenager shifting his automatic transmission from L to 2 to Drive, in a dreamy attempt to be the unstoppable, deep-throated stickshift-knowledgeable alpha dog male he one day wishes to become. Aw. Your $769 iPhone 7 Plus doesn't work like a ham radio, or a walkie talkie, but I won't stop you from using it that way. To be happy, in ways that don't hurt others… who am I to judge?

    He was speaking to none of us, but we heard him anyway. Near the front of the bus, in nondescript clothing I can hardly remember: picture a deep turquoise sweatshirt, corduroy brown pants, gray curls on his balding pate. Despite being a good two decades older, he held his phone in proper conformance to the urban schtick outlined above, pulling it off with admirable aplomb. Way to keep up with youth culture, I thought. Maybe he has kids. 

    "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you! Who you think this is? Why the fuck– you get my text? Did you not get mah text from five minutes ago, and you tryin' not to call me? Man, fuck you, bitch, you ain't no lady! This ain't no way to be treatin'– what I been trying to tell you? Oh. Oh. Oh. You think I got no right to talk to you like this? Why you think I'm talkin' at you this way? You think I– is that right. Tell me why I shouldn't be talkin' to you like that. You think I got no right after what– man, fuck you. I say like this, fuuuuuu–"

    He didn't look young, or hip, and at first I thought his youthful word choice worked in admirable counterpoint to his comfortably aged appearance. He could keep up with the rest of them… but wait. My snark receded as he grew more human the further he spoke. He was a man with frustrations, and a sense of the anxiety that comes with losing control. You ain't no lady. That was the generational giveaway in his words, the expectation of a certain standard of behavior, an attention to principle that was apparently being violated– on both sides. He may have had little in the way of filters, but his anger seemed less petty than righteously indignant, the voice of one pushed against their will to a place where they yield to the pressure and abandon their better selves.

    Bus drivers tend to wait before interfering; it's a real hazard, intruding on someone who's already heated. The risk of escalating a situation is overwhelming, and so many incidents are best left annoying or unpleasant than elevated to that of real danger. I listened to him and calculated. The 7 has a more tolerant language and behavior threshold than most routes, but even for the 7, his final "fuuuuuu–" above compelled me to say:

    "Family friendly, bro, family friendly!"
    "I know, okay," he said. "I apologize."

    Wow, I thought. I wasn't expecting him to say that.

    "'Ppreciate it. Thank you," I replied, genuinely surprised. An about-face like that isn't the easiest thing to accomplish. He offered a few more choice words to his phone, and hung up shortly after. He paused. 

    He breathed out for a while. 

    Then he said, "listen, I wanna apologize for that outburst, bus driver. I know that wasn't cool." Turning to the others: "I'm sorry, y'all."
    "Thank you for saying that, dude," I said. "I know sometimes…."
    "Oh, but it's the bus and everything, and I shouldn't be… bus driver, I wantchoo to know, when all is said and done, at tha end of tha day, I'm a good guy."
    "I know. It's cool. I appreciate you sayin' stuff."
    "I'ma be takin' this next one here, Twelfth Avenue."
    "Well, I hope you have a drama-free rest o' the night!"
    "Oh, listen. I'ma be good. I'm tryin'. I'ma be good."

    His earlier tirade had a sing-song quality, a rolling clutter of emotions and hard edges run amok. This was different. It was the sound of something gently rising, a person relaxing into who they are when they're not trying so hard. His voice changed. I could see his eyes now, really see them and the unnamable soul who lived behind them, not just the reductive specificity of anger. One of my favorite things is watching someone's kindness rise. The alchemy of such moments is mysterious; I feel as much a witness as a participant. Here he was, a middle-aged man in a sweatshirt, remembering with his body that he was a good man. 

    "You and me both," I said.
  • Published on

    The Child

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    A figure under streetlights, his gesticulating arms spread wide as he stood in front of his companion. 

    The high-pressure sodium-vapor lamps of yore have a way of collapsing the color spectrum just so; the deep shade of his skin made less of an impression, and I couldn't discern what color his open denim jacket was, nor his sagging jeans, layered undergarments and assorted street jewelry, contrasty basketball shoes which could as easily be blue as red. Tonight he was just a forty-something figure cloaked in monochromatic orange. I called out to him.

    [The rest of this story is available in my new book.]
  • Published on

    When You Want to Hear It

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    It seemed remiss of me not to at least ask.

    "How's he doin' out there? He's doin' okay?" He didn't look it, that's for sure, laid out on the sidewalk as he was, facing the heavens, maybe twitching a little, a crowd gathering round. A skinny, bearded mass, sprawled out on musty nighttime pavement.

    I was asking the woman who'd just stepped in. She wasn't your first idea of a registered nurse: another soul looking somewhat down and out, olive skin tanned hard under an open vest, asking if I stopped by the Union Gospel Mission in Pioneer Square. She'd mistakenly left her bag on a bench down there fifteen minutes ago, and was hoping against hope. It's Pioneer Square, sure, but... miracles have a way of happening in the worst places, too.

    "Oh, I think he's gonna be alright," she said.
    "I sure hope so. He doesn't look too great, lying around like that. Good to see some folks steppin' in."
    "And I'm a registered nurse, so,"
    "Oh see there you go. Gosh, I'm glad you were hangin' around! Nice uh you to lend your expertise!"
    "Well, I leaned in to check vitals, and he starts cussin' me out, 'get outta my face,' 'get the fuck away from me,' you know, and I'm all like, 'okay, he's fine!!"
    "Ha! Yeah, that's when you know they're okay!"
    "If they're cussin' you out, you know they're gonna be fine. If they're having trouble breathing, or they're unresponsive, that's one thing! But if they have the energy to actually be pissed off,"
    "Which takes a lot of energy!"
    "Oh yeah, he's gonna be fiiiiiiine. He's like, get away from me, you dumb bitch!"
    "Oh jeez."
    "Hey, it's cool. Means he's okay!"
    "Yeah, definitely gonna live. It's like a car crash, if both people get out of their cars start yelling at each other, you know that means everything's actually okay!"
    "Exactly. If they were actually hurting, you wouldn't hear anything. There would be nobody arguing!"

    Profanity never sounded so good.
  • Published on

    The Great and Terrible Fifth & Jackson: An Ethnography

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    Do I show up in his dreams, as he has in mine? 

    In my life he began as a recurring face in my periphery, one of those men who lay about the Fifth and Jackson plaza. The guy with the shorts. An hour, a month, a week: they're there, sidestepping life's challenges with another beer from the corner store across the way. How many methods are there for preventing the present from becoming the future, and at what point do these different attempts collapse under the weight of time? They live in the shadow of unconquered hurdles, looming problems supplanted by too many other issues to solve right now. Meanwhile, I've got enough here for a PBR....

    Allow me to paint you a picture.

    There's the northwest corner, including a recessed westerly alcove to the left of the FedEx. That's the bathroom. Closer to the corner proper, at the site of the now-disused Waterfront Streetcar terminal, is Hangout 1. It's shady and concentrated, a small staircase of sorts under cover of the weather, suitable for furtive transactions and exchanges. Amharic is the dominant language here. Wouldn't you find your own people in a new country, even if they weren't the sort you'd introduce to Mom?

    Directly east is Fifth and Jackson's northeast corner, Hangout Zero. In the Seattle tradition of safe and unsafe areas rubbing right up against each other and, incredibly, adhering to division lines as seemingly insignificant as a roadway, Hangout Zero is completely innocuous. It's not a hangout. There's nowhere to sit and it's too open. You could spend all day standing at the corner of Hangout Zero and expect not to be hassled.

    The southeast corner is the nearest, but not the most desirable, opportunity for liquor refueling. Hangout 2's Union Market mini-mart has suitably expansive open hours, sometimes gets shot up (or worse), but generally performs its function as a supply haven for drinking tendencies of the Bukowskiesque stripe. English is the language of choice on this corner, which doesn't have chairs or benches but is workable for those in walkers and wheelchairs, and besides offers a few utility boxes and garbage and recycling cans to lean on or perhaps explore. Treasure hunting, I believe, is a natural human impulse. 

    Further up, an entire two blocks out (a commitment, when you could just comfortably pass the time right here at Hangouts 1 or 2), is the mini-mart my recurring friend mentioned above prefers. He has an adventurer's spirit about him, and is too refined for Hangout 2's decidedly mediocre alcohol offerings. You've got to travel to get the good stuff.

    And then there's Hangout 3.

    The southwest corner is the Grand Poobah of this whole affair, and the reason all the satellite hangouts surrounding it exist in the first place. Designed in the 1980s in anticipation of the 1990 opening of the Downtown Seattle Transit Tunnel, atop which it sits, it vastly predates urban planning concepts aimed at discouraging sitting, loitering, sleeping, enjoying the sun, enjoying your neighbors- call it what you want. All that happens here. This open, welcoming (and okay, often nerve-wracking) brick plaza is supposed to be lived in, and it is. Sitting areas and shade abound. The bus zone on this block and transit tunnel below keep the proceedings flowing. 

    The adjacent Union Station (an immaculately restored former train station lobby, in a building now used for Sound Transit offices) extends the plaza the full length of the block. The buzzing hive that is Fourth and Jackson is one of Metro's key intersections, and the massive amount of service passing through gives a sense of the city's pulse. It's almost impossible for sixty seconds to go by without a bus in sight. You can feel when a game or event is brewing.

    Although it can't be true, I feel like I hang out at Hangout 3 as much as the friends I detail below. Personally, I love the space, and I've loved it since childhood. I'd stand there, at the decidedly safer and mysteriously drama-free far west railing facing Fourth, and watch the buses go by in awe. 

    Now I'm there every day, walking through it on my way to work, walking back to it from the base to wait for my bus, driving through it four or five times a night on the route of all routes, and using it as a passenger on my days off for the excellent transfer point that it is.

    And every time I'm there, no matter the hour, they are too. They carouse the nights and days away in various states of inebriation, on an endless summer vacation with gradually diminishing returns. 

    There's Ali of the Cane (a la Madonna of the Goldfinch), who jokes with me about why I've forgotten to bring him his very own Metro bus; there's my Laotian friend who teaches me key phrases and likes Coca-Cola, who may one day return to his family; there's another Ali, slightly less drunk but just as friendly, with sisters in Houston; his dream is to see them again. There's Tall Guy 1, who goes out of his way to greet me, and who is currently in a wheelchair and cast but plans to be out of them in six weeks; and Tall Guy 2, a more stolid presence, often not in a state to recognize my face, but kind when he is. Others are there intermittently, or are newer faces- Sabu, Einstein, Texas, and more. English tends to be the preferred language here, not because the crowd is generally American (as with Hangout 2), but because the international nature of the conglomerate requires a universal communication choice.

    The open layout from an earlier design time actually helps. Violence at Third and Pike/Pine too often involves bystanders, due to the cramped nature of the proceedings. Getting rid of the benches there hasn't gotten rid of anybody so much as simply prompted them to stand, blocking doorways to businesses and tunnel entrances, creating far too much street denizen-passersby friction. 

    Fifth and Jackson, conversely, is loitering done right: excepting the iffy nature of Hangouts 1 and especially 2, the plaza at Hangout 3 is a thing of beauty (we'll ignore Hangout Zero, which, absurdly, might be one of safest corners in the neighborhood). The plaza benches and landscaping invite and contain my Bukowski friends such that, if you prefer to avoid carousing, there's space and pathways to easily do so. Fights happen regularly enough here, and though both intersections have robust police presences, the spacial geography at Fifth and Jackson is such that violence almost never involves pedestrians or bystanders. It's kept "in-house," as it were. How nice.

    The face I most associate with Hangout 3 is the fellow with the shorts. Shorts is one of the Somalian set, often with Ali of the Cane and Tall Guy 2. He moves like people did in those old hand-cranked projections of silent films– sometimes slow motion, sometimes slightly fast, erratic. More often he's on the slower side, treading air like Charlie Chaplin in 1 A.M. Short curly hair, forties. In my first interactions with him, which were on my bus, I was apprehensive. He was unpredictable. He could be loud. I'd avoid eye contact in the plaza.

    Over time it occurred to me I need to be on good terms with these guys, because I see them daily and will for the foreseeable future. For me, they're like neighbors. Hangout 1 is still a little too confusing (and mysteriously empty this past week), but in passing through Hangout 3 I'll nod and wave, and the folks enthusiastically do the same.

    Once Shorts boarded at Third and James, clad in a knee-length pair of dirty white shorts held up by an elastic band. Just before stepping on, he indifferently tugged at the elastic, pulling out and readjusting an enormous, eighteen-inch serrated blade. He reinserted it near his underwear and loped in.
    I asked, "you're not gonna use that thing in here, are ya?" 
    His smile is so genuine. I love seeing it. "Oh no, my brotha," he replied. "No problems!"

    True to his word, he didn't harm a soul. These folks are rarely on the bus for very long; they have smaller orbits, and there's no law against riding the bus while carrying the world's biggest bread knife. 

    Not long ago I saw him, uncharacteristically, clear over on Capitol Hill, outside the Egyptian Theatre. He waited until I'd boarded all the passengers waiting there before exclaiming to me, "Summertime!"
    "Heeey! Whats goin on', man?"
    "I'm chillin' here today, over there, too much drama."
    "Yeah. Better over here, less drama."
    "Yup!"
    "Less drama! Alright man, I'll see you again."
    "Yup! Thank you so much!"

    His yup had a childlike quality, and so did his bright grin. Those components in combination with the shorts made him appear younger than he is. I certainly wasn't expecting to hear a preference for less drama from Mr. Bread Knife Machete, but was happy to share that in common for the moment.

    Most recently I saw him again at the corner of Broadway and Pine. He must be taking to the area. He was rocking back and forth on his feet a little, asking a put-together passerby for spare change. To a stranger his propulsive voice and leering demeanor can be frightening, and this Amazon-young-professional-looking fellow looked not a little terrified. 

    I was across the street in my bus, but I needed to wave. I forced open my window and tapped the horn, waving my arm out wildly, hoping Shorts would see me. He was disoriented but only for a second, and absolutely lit up upon recognizing me. "Heeeey," he yelled. I returned the howl with enthusiasm.

    I waved for two reasons.

    I wanted Mr. Young Professional to realize this crazy-looking immigrant street guy actually has friends– and friends in other parts of society at that. He can't be that scary. He's legitimate in somebody's eyes, and there are people who go out of their way to say hi to him. 

    I also wanted Mr. Shorts to feel something besides shunning and ostracism in that moment. Let him know not to put too much stock into Mr. Amazon's cold shoulder. He may not like you right now, Shorts, but there are people with jobs and without who love you, who get excited when they see you.

    This, these are the important things we can do in this life. It's what we're trying for when we're kind. To make our fellow human feel valued, acknowledged, important, in that brief blink of an eye during which we're here.