• Published on

    Rest in Peace, Breda Monster

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    Is it so silly, when we really think about it, to mourn the passing of a coach type? Think back to your childhood haunts. The wind chimes on Grandma's porch. The smells of your home, wherever it was, during the best years of your life. They form the texture of our existence, these spaces. The building blocks, how we make it personal. 
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    Even if you never rode them, it's likely Metro's sixty-foot Breda bus made an impression. They were ancient. They were massive. They looked so big and so heavy you'd think they should be illegal, and they were. At 64,350 pounds with a full load of passengers, they destroyed roads and violated weight limits all across the county, forcing Metro to pay fines every single service day for a couple decades. They were unstoppable tanks that could barely get started; they employed a different sort of transmission than what we ordinarily know, which is why you'd get all the way up to fifth gear and the bus would still only be going twenty-five. You needed to pack a lunch for some of those steep hills. The manufacturer's top speed was set at fifty-five, which in real life meant something like fifty-one or fifty-two. Forget schedule. "They were stinkers from day one," a senior operator not-so-wistfully told me. They predated ergonomics and have destroyed countless drivers' shoulders, knees, lower backs….

    And oh, how I love them so. They live now only in our thoughts: the last Breda coach, ever, ran its final trip last Thursday on an inbound 36, sometime around 1pm. The photos you see here were taken by me between 1998 and last month.
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    As an operator, my body certainly won't miss them, but I will. I'll miss the fact of their colossal size. Twelve feet tall rather than ten, four steps instead of three, the high center of gravity that felt like a streetcar in prewar Europe; I'll miss the stained and paint-stripped floors, panels gouged with twenty-six years of peeling and knifepoint graffiti, lint and litter becoming one with the bus, fusing together in the dusty nether corners. A biologist's dream, I'm sure. 
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    Think of the histories they've borne witness to, the wars and presidents their passengers have discussed. People sat in these things reading about Tiananmen Square and the overthrow in Romania. They asked each other what the internet was. Made in 1989 by the Italian company Breda, which specialized in trains, the Bredas were the first dual-mode buses in North America. The only other Breads in the world are in Milan, pictured below (from 2015, as they were being phased out):
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    Only the Seattle coaches had a rear axle connected to a diesel drive train and a center axle another power source: an electric motor, which came to life when the poles on top of the bus were raised up to trolley wire. They were a custom order designed for Metro's downtown transit tunnel, which opened in 1990, and featured trolley wire running its length to allow coaches to whisk through without emitting exhaust fumes. The process of raising the poles to the wire at either end of the tunnel wasn't always flawless, but wasn't that part of the charm? As a child, it was a treat to feel the bus shift into electric. You were sitting in the same vehicle, but all the sounds changed. No more rumbling, shifting, or engine vibrations; now the steady hum of current, accelerated torque, and clicks of poles switching tracks. Out-of-towners marveled, trying to figure out what was going on. 
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    The initial order was for 235 buses. From 1990 to 2005 they traversed all over the county, breaking down, giving millions (not an exaggeration) of rides, raising the poles and lowering the poles as they went in and out of the tunnel, tearing apart drivers' shoulders, and proving the bane of every automobile who ever got stuck behind one, wondering why the bus in front of them was taking more than a mile to get up to fifty (again, not an exaggeration: on the 267 from the West Lake Sammamish onramp to SR-520 & 51st, there was no way the bus was getting over twenty mph, despite the 60 mph speed limit).
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    Part of the issue was weight. In the analogue days, dual-mode meant, quite literally, doubling everything: there weren't just two engines, but two of everything: brake systems, transmissions (as much as an electric motor could have one), all the connective assembly for each, and more. In 2005 the vehicles were replaced by new Hybrid diesels which you still see in service today. At a downright puny (well, comparatively) 44,935 pounds, these are veritable jackrabbits. They're little sports cars. They number 2600-2812, and are identifiable by their roof-mounted battery, instead of poles.
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    Yes, they make more sense, but they're not as endearing. Though they do have an electric assist that allows them better acceleration when operating under forty mph… admit it, friend.

    They lack character.

    There's something about design from the pre-digital period I enjoy: look at the knobs and dials on cameras from back then, or the unfussy current collection boxes atop the bus. The sharp edges and corners, so un-aerodynamic. And so hot. The person who isn't trying so hard to look good ends up being the most dazzling; you know what I mean. And so it is with bus design.
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    Listen to that "ding" of the bell chime: that's a real bell. Not everything needed to look like a slick sci-fi movie. The dashboard was drenched in toggle switches and buttons, in a triumph of function over form; today's dash is sleek but limiting by comparison. The driver could engage the differential lock, disable the dynamic brake, cutout the retarder, and more– no longer options today. 
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    Upon being replaced in 2005, 59 of the 235 Bredas were selected to continue service as electric-only trolleys, replacing the aging fleet of 46 German MAN trolleys from 1986, pictured below. I'm even more attached to those than I am to the Bredas; good thing you don't have to listen to me rapturously proclaim my love for them here.... 
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    The 59 remaining Bredas would now be used on trolley routes rather than tunnel routes, and drive only while on the wire– the diesel engines, transmission and radiator were removed, making them 14,000 pounds lighter. Great. The buses were retrofitted with new signage, seat upholstering, Kiepe fiberglass poles (more flexible than steel, better at staying on the wire), updated driver's area, and reduced seating to allow for more leg room (people don't squeeze in quite like they used to!). The haphazard, in-house nature of this refurbishment led to the moniker "FrankenBreda." Say it with love.

    With 59 buses, you'd think maybe 55 or so of those would always be in working order and ready to hit the road. Wouldn't that be nice. But being that these are Bredas, no amount of cute new upholstered seats could alter the fact that they were king of breakdowns, and always would be. A standard bus fleet requires a ten or fifteen percent "spare ratio–" an extra quantity of buses on the lot to mitigate breakdowns. Ten or twelve buses for a fleet of a hundred, for instance. Bredas broke down so much Metro needed a thirty percent spare ratio– to address the constant breakdowns but also to have available for scrap parts.

    Spare parts for a bus made by an Italian train company while the the Berlin Wall was still standing are hard to come by. When you step into the bus to start your shift and notice that the odometer reads over 600,000 miles, you're not really expecting this thing to work anyway. No need, for instance, to write up the damage to the cracked bumper below; you would be more surprised if everything actually looked good.
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    As much as we loved complaining about them ("why do they smell so much" being a query I heard with unusual frequency), what made them so incredible was how often they did run without incident. What an ace crew those mechanics are. Metro loves getting every inch of life out of their coaches, and with trolleys it's possible. Trolley bus motors last forever because they contain almost no moving parts, relatively speaking. The new fiberglass poles worked like a charm, and if you lost your poles it was likely due to driver error, rather than mechanical failure: too fast through a switch perhaps, or a forgotten turn signal (turn signals send radio signals up to the wire to switch the tracks). They were notoriously difficult to give a smooth ride, but it was possible. No other articulated bus in the fleet is driven by the center axle, and these were thus tanks in the snow; having the added dashboard controls mentioned above helped as well.

    ​Sometimes the dash lights would be burned out, or the tires bald, or you just got tired of the drafty interior, the dented and cracked facades, turn signals you had to stand on to activate, eight hours of the scent of a chemistry experiment gone horribly awry, baking in the summer without air conditioning, sweltering in the glass box behind those enormous windows…

    Ah, but when was anything easy truly worthwhile? The challenge of the untamed beast made you a better driver. 
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    They made tighter turns than any other coach, had better visibility both inside and out, doors that didn't take forever to close, a back window, a heater that worked, and, as trolleys, tremendous torque– it hardly made sense that such a lumbering behemoth could get up and go so fast.  

    But the real jump they had on all other buses was history. There's something larger here than gearhead nostalgia. Unlike most countries, ours is eager to turn away from its past, to subsume it with glossy new facades. The West Coast cities in particular seem eager to erase the evidence of time, and it isn't just because they're newer. There was life here more than fifty years ago, but you'd be hard pressed to find it now. Where are the actualizations of the lives of our local forefathers, the Dennys, Yeslers, Sealths, aside from the pithy plaque or statue? Where are the deep shades of faded brick, the echo of trees and buildings which predate the lives of our families, when homes and shoes and toys and clothes were built to last? In a world that starts and spurts through change without pausing to take stock of itself, any sign of constancy is a deep comfort to me.

    That is what that whisper is, that subtle reassurance we feel when confronted with trees standing tall against the horizon, the home you grew up in which is still standing, and yes, this strange and glorious Breda monster, old and weathered enough to be a father figure in its own right, gently reminding us that the we and the world will, as ever, continue.
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    Renaissance

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    I'm parked at the terminal, standing by my bus in Rainier Beach as I work on a Richard Wright novel. Ah, literature. A cry interrupts my reverie: Shanala is running over to my bus now, with a toddler in tow. She's probably going to ask when I depart. What other reason would she be rushing over here for….

    No, she's got something else on her mind tonight. Shanala is a semi-regular. She comes and goes, a waif in a beanie and blue jacket, mid-thirties, sometimes coming out for a ride just to see who's on the street, sometimes healthy and sometimes ill, leaving me at Third and James and fading into the shadowy recesses, the realm of eyes glinting dilated and bloodshot, the rustle of baggies and clink of metal, smells and faceless shouts but from where. Places you can walk only if you've walked them before; an alley with the wrong kind of smile. 

    She's always remembered my name. Shanala knows everybody. Sometimes I'll get people coming out for a nighttime ride just to get out of the house, to cool off after a fight with their spouse. I don't know what drama she's escaping, but she likes coming out to my little mobile living room, chatting up the acquaintances inside. 

    Tonight her air is different. It's not trailing something in her life, not reactive but causal. Her energy is new, fresh, on the leading edge. "Nathan, Nathan!"
    "Shanala, hey!"
    "Nathan, I've been saved!" 
    "What?"
    Clean and sober, she explained. The husky voice, excited: "one week and… sixteen days it's been. I been lookin' for you to tell you! It's funny, I ran up on this other driver thinkin' it was you, sayin' 'heeeyy' and he said, 'whaaat??' An' I said sorry, I's lookin' for Nathan!"

    So many questions, bubbling up inside: how did she, what brought this on, why now? And how did she know it would mean so much to me, that she wanted to tell me about it, that she sought me out to do so? That was what humbled me. We hugged, and she explained her situation further. She asked my opinion on whether or not she should go to a certain upcoming party. She introduced me to her niece ("Arqueen!"), who gave me a hug as well. What a bundle of joy. 

    They walked away both with a sparkle in their step, a frisky nimbleness in their evening stroll, past the lit high school football field, empty, the two of them and their shadows headed toward Rainier Beach park. Look at them. One tall and one small, animated on the vanguard of life.

    It's hard to tell who is younger.
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    I Dreamt of the Future

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    Have you noticed how when people run for the bus, they're nearly always smiling? Most especially when they make it onboard, but often before that becomes a certainty, too. It's the element of the chase, perhaps, muscle memories from childhood; swatting the branches and leaves aside, during the time when laughter and sunshine ruled the world.

    It's dark tonight, southbound 15th in the U District, and they're facing away from me, but you can somehow tell those two runners are smiling. They're giggling with their bodies, racing my bus to the next stop. 

    If it was rush hour, I wouldn't wait for them, but it isn't rush hour. It's 12:11 in the morning. Am I going to pull over in between stops and save them the extra block of running, speeding things up for everyone? Of course I am.

    I want to see the smiles on their faces. 

    They're a young couple, likely undergraduates, each bumbling into the other now in an effort to stop. They finish each other's sentences, flowing in and out, a sprightly African-American student and his bubbly east Asian girlfriend. There is an ability among millenials to overlook race and gender differences, take them in stride, with an ease no generation prior has been able to accomplish. It's one of my favorite things about being alive right now. 

    "Tight!" says one, as other finishes: "he's stopping!"
    "It's not the bus!" the boyfriend exclaims. 
    I echo his statement as a question– "is it not the bus?"
    "No, it's a 49," he yells back, seemingly for the benefit of both myself and his lady, "and we want the 48! But thank you so much for stoppin'!"
    "No worries," I holler in return with a grin in my voice, catching the rhythms of their excitement by proximity. "Have a good night!"
    "My nigga! You too!"

    There was an exhale of almost surprised relief somewhere in there, an effervescence in the timbre of his cry. I shook my head as I drove away, smiling too wide for a stationary face. Replaying the moment, figuring out why I loved it so. You heard the realization in his tone: that guy's like me, another unjudging young person, who didn't think twice about pulling over for us, more than happy to do so. There are folks like that.

    When we see the best parts of ourselves reflected in the person before us, we come alive all over again. When I see how this goodness lives so easily in anyone, so utterly ignorant of race and class and preferential differences, I shiver with delight at the possibilities. Let the youngsters lead the way, where we have not tread before. I love moments like this in part because they don't happen all the time. We are not yet living in a post-racial world. 

    Except when we are.
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    Reparations

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    It's a system of peaks and valleys, life is. At this moment, somewhere last year, I was in a valley. You know the feeling, I'm sure, where you drift through the days and nights at half-speed, troubled, knowing you should probably talk about it, but stymied by the sensation that doing so would be pointless. Who, after all, knows the full situation besides you? The bus is a welcome distraction. It demands so much present concentration, focus, and consideration of others that there's no time leftover to think about one's own problems. But sometimes the thoughts sneak back in, especially as the night wears on and the city begins to clear out. 

    "Heeey, man!" exclaimed this vaguely familiar face, all smiles, thrilled to see me, with no idea how low I felt, how little I felt like talking. I almost verbalized something along those lines, but I can't do that. Life is bigger than my little woes. He asked, with exuberance and terrific speed, nearly talking over himself: "hey I haven't seen you in ages, how you been?" 

    He could have been forty, or fifty, bald but with a baseball cap tonight, dark olive skin and almond eyes like mine, wearing your dad's sweater and faded tennis shoes. 

    "Oh, pretty well," I replied. "How 'bout you?"
    "Man, I got broken into!" It was the funniest thing to hear, that sentence, voiced as it was with the timbre of his excitement at seeing me. "I was jus' taken a shower, they came in and took my wallet, took my–"
    "No way, up on Capitol Hill?"
    "No, I live over here. Busted right in middle a the day,"

    I'm really listening now. "Wait. You were at home?"
    "Took my wallet, loose cash,"
    "You were at home? They came in while you was at the house?"
    "Yeah, I was in the shower. I came out ready to go to work." Readygotowork. So fast! This guy should do the voices for audiobooks. He could get you through The Brothers Karamazov in an hour. And yet, unlike many fast-talkin' folk, it was easy to detect the very real sincerity in his voice. 
    "Oh, no," I said. "Oh, no! That's terrible!"
    "Yeah. Well. I'm okay at least. Tell me 'bout you, how are holdin' up? You look even younger now! I want your genes, man!" 
    "Ha!"
    "But you look more mature somehow."
    "Hmm. I hope so. Maybe I learned one or two things in the interim!" 
    "You been doin' okay, everything good?"
    "Yeah, I can't complain. Things are good. Things are fine." Somewhere in the middle of that I remembered my father, speaking on how important truthfulness is. Amazing, the speed at which the brain dashes from thought to thought. I decided to just tell him. It was the middle of the barren night, a weeknight. There was room for conversations like this. 

    I said, "actually, I just got dumped."
    "Awww, that's, hell, that's worse than gettin' broke into!"
    "Oh man, it kills me. It just kills me."
    "Wait. Somebody broke up with you? Do they know what they're missing?"
    I laughed. "Aw naw,"
    "It's a done deal or she just you know,"
    "I think it's a done deal, yeah,"
    "What happened? I can't imagine."
    "Oh, it's, uh. Um. well, okay. We were trying to resolve an issue, but before I could come to a decision on how to resolve it, she just said hey, I'm done, this is done."
    "Awwww. How many years you were together?"
    ​"Oh not long at all. Three months, something." Could it really have been that short? "So it's not all that you know, but it was so intense! You know how sometimes it's a short time but it's so concentrated, and it figgers larger in your head?"
    "Yeah yeah."
    "So that's kinda what's been on my mind."
    "That's funny, I thought you were gay."
    "Ha!" It was the loudest I'd laughed in two weeks. What a ridiculous sentence, and so perfect, sublime, really. Just the leveling needed in that moment.
    "I mean no offense,"
    "No no,"
    "Nothing wrong of course I just always thought okay, I thought you were gay the whole time,"
    "I know, everyone does. I don't know why. Because I'm friendly? Or I like art? I can't help myself!"
    We laughed and laughed, climbing the ladder together. 

    "Man. Yeah, I split up with my wife after [unintelligible] years, we were livin' in Santa [Clara], one' most expensive neighborhoods in the world, we were just arguing all the," 
    "It's no good if you're just makin' each other unhappy,"
    "Yeah. You know something like eighty percent a relationships fall apart cause of–"
    "–Money, man!"
    "–Financial issues? Yeah!"
    "Yeah, I seen the ad that mentions that. I mean, if you guys are always arguin' about the rent,"
    "Exactly, and she was workin' all the time trying t'cover for stuff,"
    "No time,"
    "Yeah."
    "But it's not a failure because it ends. Everything ends. It's never a failure just cause it ends." I often tell that to people. I need to voice it, just in case they don't know. I think he knew, though; he was way too happy not to. "Okay so what did they take when they broke in?"
    "My wallet, my keys, cash. My bus card,"
    "Oh man, especially the wallet, that's a bummer. Take forever to replace."

    "Yeah." Listen to the effervescent bounce in his voice, infectious: "It'll work out though." Practically bubbly. "I'm stayin' at this guy's house right now, landlord's house but it's no good, he's ninety and he always has all these women comin' over. He's ninety and bunch a women half his age be comin' over to the house,"
    "Hold up wait, he be ninety years old? Did you say ninet–"
    "Yeah, and he has all these lovers!"
    "He has lovers at ninety! I wanna know about his genes!"
    "I don't wanna be no player, 'specially at that age–"
    "Yeah that sounds painful. Ninety? I wanna be reading books."
    "Exactly. Should be lookin' at birds and stuff. Talkin' about bowel movements!"
    "Ha!" I laugh so hard the only other passenger looks up from his headphonic din, confused.
    "Well, I'm sorry we both had bummer times goin' on."
    "Me too, but it's good to talk. Talking's good."

    They don't have classes on how to live life. They'll teach you everything else–everything else, as long as its quantifiable, binary, literal– but they won't teach you how to break up or when, to question how you define your self-worth, how to feel when your wares are stolen, how to move on from the death of a loved one. When it comes to matters of actual consequence, we're all beginners in this racket. The singsong rhythms of his resilient ebullience were the lesson I needed then, the gentle confidence of guidance offered unknowingly. No better way to teach someone. 

    He wasn't doing anything besides being himself.
  • Published on

    Where and How it All Began

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    I used to have a great fear of being in social situations where everyone there knew everyone else, but I didn't know anybody. I forget the number of events I didn't go to to avoid this circumstance, and I also forget exactly when I started to find the experience strangely enjoyable. Probably when I began noticing there was usually someone who recognized me from bus-land, or art-world, or both. It's a little scary, going alone, but you're free to roam about as you wish, without strings, engaging as much or as little as you please; if the folks present are friendly, then all the better.

    In 2012 I was invited to just such an event– an art show featuring work by the boyfriend of a passenger. Virginia was a grad student and regular rider on the 4 whom I'd driven home for– months? Years? I can't quite recall. Long enough for our brief interactions to slowly build into friendship, a point of connection of which was that her boyfriend, also named Nathan (or Nate, to be precise, don't wanna step on any toes here), was also a photographer like myself. 

    ​This blog exists because I chose to go to Nate's photography event at Theo Chocolate in 2012. It exists because Virginia was kind enough to extend the invite, and because I was able to get over my mild nervousness about going to an event where I would barely know anyone. It exists most potently because of a long conversation I got into with the three delightful ladies pictured above. One is a photographer; another with a background in medicine; the third owns an interior design company.

    I had come directly from work (there I am in my little Metro cardigan!), and after discussing bus-land they broached the idea of a blog. I stood there and tried to come up with excuses to justify not doing so. It sounds like a lot of work. It involves large amounts of time documenting life instead of living it. It means sitting in front of computers too much, which I don't like. The moments with the passengers are private and special and writing about them would dilute their power. No one's going to be interested because the events are positive. The events are too small– things like eye contact or fistbumps can't be interesting as focal points for stories… or can they?

    How great that they correctly called me out for being lazy and making a bunch of lame excuses. Just try it, they said, brightly. People love stories. The conversation was valuable enough that I became late for where I was going afterwards– something friends will know I'm loathe to do– but it was so worth it. This whole enterprise might not exist otherwise. "You need to write about these stories," the ladies insisted. "You need to share them. People need to hear them, and they'll love them."

    Even before the blog existed I would write little notes on transfers, in a journal, on napkins, strictly so I could remember the moments for myself. The first time I ever did so was when a teenage boy got off my (now defunct) 253 at Bellevue Transit Center. He was a Pacific Northwest teenager, with oversized button-up plaid and skater shoes, and he thanked me with enthusiastic presence before removing his BMX bicycle.

    You knew he'd never seen a driver near his age before (I was just twenty-one at the time), and likely hadn't run into one with my put-all-of-yourself-out-there approach. I forget his exact words all these years later, but I can still see his attitude. In his keen ardor you felt the rising spirit of new possibilities, the beat of new horizons. Kids know how big the world can be. You can conflate coolness and kindness, high functioning and inclusiveness. He wheeled back and forth across the street, not ready to leave my sight, too excited by the new understandings forming in his head; insights on a summer afternoon, new ways we as young people can be. I was as energized by his unconcealed verve as he was by me. He waited til the light turned green, and I started to drive out.

    ​Me, 
    tossing an upward nod his way, big wave, and he's grinning wide as he returns the gesture. Our generation.

    These are the little births I treasure. I hope you enjoy reading them.
  • Published on

    "Everybody Need to Quit Acting Hard and S**t"

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    "We spoke boastfully in bass voices; we used the word "nigger" to prove the tough fiber of our feelings; we spouted excessive profanity as a sign of our coming manhood; we pretended callousness toward the injunctions of our parents; and we strove to convince one another that our decisions stemmed from ourselves and ourselves alone. Yet we frantically concealed how dependent we were upon one another."

    -Richard Wright, on his childhood circa 1915

    ​--


    A century has passed by and the kids act out just the same. The reasons are like a virus you can't remove from the bloodstream, something deeply embedded into the fiber of the state of things. There are teens I encounter who try with such strenuous effort to convince everyone they're stone-cold killers. Sometimes I want to say, "guys. Stop trying to persuade the world how hard you are. We all have emotional highs and lows, tender spots and tickle points… do you really think you'll be able to get the world to think you don't?"

    But theirs is the solution for when you have a support network of one. Without role models, or with lousy ones, when the home is in a state of collapse and the world outside is even less concerned, when the subtle but immovable might of institutional racism proliferates with an insidiousness nigh impossible to overcome… wouldn't you entertain a similar attitude if you were afraid and alone in such a hostile environment? What faces do we wear on our way to combat, our way to prison?

    AJ fronts as hard an image as he can muster. He's short, thin, expressionless; the girls would think he was cute if he wasn't trying so arduously to remove every trace of emotion from his face, all the time. The teenage years are vulnerable ones, and he hasn't yet crested into that bewitching moment of easy confidence where he feels okay just being himself. These are the years beforehand, when we evaluated the cliques at school and chose one, wearing our false confidence with great energy, trying to be a vetted and existing "type," for fear that we might be found out as mere individuals who don't completely fit in anywhere– which, of course, is what we all have in common.

    His slanted eyes don't react when I greet him. I lean towards the philosophy of "trying and failing is the only way to succeed." Regarding interactions, he seems to lean toward the opposite ethos of "don't try, because you might fail." Better to ignore something, for fear of no reciprocation. His friend Marcus spoils the effect, however: Marcus is tall, gregarious, and friendly, with a assured smile and a knack for conversation. I know their names because Marcus introduced us all long ago. 

    One evening AJ sauntered up from the back, slowly. Marcus was with him, but stayed a few steps behind and looked really awkward. No one else was aboard. AJ stopped right next to me and waited, as if searching for how to begin. I preemptively asked him how he was doing.

    "Hey, me and my friend were kinda hungry tonight," he said. "I was wondering if maybe we could have, like, five dollars."
    "Aw man, I appreciate you askin' me, but I gotta say I can't be carrying no money when I'm workin'. Especially on this number 7, you know? You know how it is. You know I would help if I could, but yeah, best I can offer is this transfer right here, but other than that…" 
    "Iss cool."
    "I'm helpin' out in spirit!"
    He grinned. 
    "I know that don't change things, but you know! I appreciate you askin'."
    "Yeah," he slurred. "Iss all good."

    I'll never know the degree to which he was telling the truth. From his highly suitable dress and well-kept friend the thought of him being actually hungry wasn't immediately believable; given Marcus' hesitancy during the interaction and AJ's general devil-may-care attitude, I'm more ready to assume he just wanted money. I'll also never know how close I was to getting jumped. I want to believe he instead asked me for money out of respect, in exchange for the appreciation and respect I've proffered him so many times. He didn't have to ask, after all. We will never learn the true extent of the dividends of our kindness. I couldn't help but think of the scene in Fernando Meirelles' fact-based City of God, where the two young boys board a bus determined to rob the conductor, but can't bring themselves to do it because the conductor was "too cool to rob, too friendly!"

    Some months later I was driving a largely empty bus up Rainier Avenue, my last trip out of the Valley. A boy was slouched in the middle high-seats. Earlier he had sullenly gestured for a free ride at Othello, and I'd happily offered one. I try to always say "thanks for asking," "thank you for asking," or somesuch. I want the kids to know I appreciate that they offer the gesture of a request. They could just walk on without a word, and they know it. I'm moved when they treat me as human, and the sentiment seems to have gotten out: Nathan appreciates the human touch. On occasion I'll get a whole line of high-schoolers stepping in, each one taking a moment to verbalize it. "K'ai 'ave a ride? May I please have a ride? D'you think ah coul' get a ride?" 

    Isn't it positively delightful? 

    Halfway through the trip I realized the slouching boy was AJ. I knew he looked familiar. He's harder to recognize when Marcus isn't with him; the "Laurel and Hardy" component is missing. As he got ready to leave through the middle doors, I fared him well, calling him out by name: "Alright, AJ!"
    That's a smile! Reader, imagine my blissful rapture! We're talking about AJ here! 
    "Alright," he said, registering with nearly hidden pleasure the fact that I'd remembered his name.
    "Have a good one!"
    "You too!"

    ​A day at a time, a moment at a time, just by being ourselves...