• Published on

    Our Lady III: Lows and Highs

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    No, the conversation didn’t have the urgency or desperation of our first, nor the celebratory airs of the second. But I like to think that’s what made it special: in its relative mundanity it represented the completed nature of her hurdles. Now, finally, we could sit around chatting about nothing. She was dresssed as before: a black khimar with a niqab over her face, a brightly colored pink dress beneath, and a walker.

    “Hey, you,” I said.
    “Hey!”
    I noticed her shopping bags and said in a winking voice, “Did you find everything you needed at Target?”
    “Well, let me tell you,” she began.

    I’ve got the luckiest job in the world. I can ask people with genuine interest how they’re doing, because, well, I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got time to listen to whatever their answer is. I settled into my chair as we continued down the road, ready for a story.

    “I was with my friend. She's American. We went to Target, I got my stuff, and I paid for my stuff in line.”
    “Sure, sounds good so far.”
    “Yes so far so good. But I didn't know she was trying to steal stuff from the store. She stole makeup, soap, hairbrushes. And the security came out and stopped both of us. And I explained.”
    “Yeah, you didn’t know, you didn’t do anything!”
    “They said even if you didn't do anything, if you were with her, you can be charged too.”
    “Yeah as an accomplice. Oh no.”
    “But I explained this has nothing to do with me. Look at my receipts. I didn't know anything. I'm going home now.”
    “Perfect.”

    And here she was now, at the positive end of the story. A tall, thin gentleman approached her, speaking in her language. He was trying to tell me something and wanted her to interpret. I knew him primarily as a benign but contrarian soul who drank too much in the evenings. 

    She turned to me, translating his words. “‘You are perfect bus driver.’”
    “What? Thank you! Thank you!” I was surprised to hear it from anyone, but especially him, who is usually on the awnrier side. She continued. “‘You very polite, drive really well.’” He repeated as much as he departed. I nodded gratefully. 

    “I’ve seen him around a while now,” I said to her after he’d left.
    “I've known him for nine years,” she said. “But ten years ago he had sex with a woman on the street, and he got HIV.”
    “Oh no!
    “Yeah. His family find out, his wife left him, his kids gone, he has nothing.”
    “Oh no. You know, they have medicine for that now.”
    “Yeah he takes it. Now he's so much better. He can live. His doctor tell him it's not even in his bloodstream anymore.”
    “Wow. I didn't know the medicine was that good!”
    “Yeah, ninety-nine percent. Maybe one percent you will catch it.”
    “Okay.”
    “But even so, I not going to have sex with someone who has HIV. I say, Baby, I'm not feeling it!”
    “Ha!”

    I felt such warmth from both of them. In their different ways they each have been dealt crushing blows by life, and come out the other end survivors. I was humbled that in their hardships they went out of their way to extend gratitude my way, I who am surely such an insignificant figure in their lives. 

    But as we all know, sometimes one smile can turn the day around.
  • Published on

    Nathan Converses With His Colleagues: About That 65

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    As in several of the posts in this series (see below), I’m sprawled out on a bus home after a long day working. I’m exhausted and happy, sitting near the front, chatting up the operator. Tonight we were talking about what drivers always talk about: schedules.

    “This one actually has pretty good breaks on it, right?”
    “You know, I haven't had any problems,” he replied. “And it's what, ten hours and change.”
    “Oh wow. Last shakeup this used to be a bonus time piece. They must've tacked on another round.”
    “Must have. Speaking of breaks though, I've been doing that 65–”

    Say no more, I thought. “Oh my gosh–”
    “Yeah!”
    “Isn't it terrible?”
    “They don't give you squat at either end!”

    Lots of drivers complain about schedules; I tend not to. I know it’s something I can’t control, like fare, so I let go of it. I just drive the route. But the 65/67 gets to even me– and him, for I knew the gent I was chatting with was similarly laid back– because that route’s murder on the body. It’s one thing to run late, but to be so late you’re seeing passengers on the other side of the street who are waiting for your bus, and you want to use the restroom… doing that for eight hours every day isn’t fun. No to mention a 70-block stretch where there's a zone about every two blocks.

    “It's just so weirdly timed,” I said. “They give you all this time to get from Northgate Transit to 75th, and then if it's peak they give you a bunch of time to get down to Light Rail, but once you get down there you're completely screwed going north on 35th. Completely!”
    “Completely! I actually filled out one of those forms and stapled the run card to it because I said, this is ridiculous.”
    “It's ridiculous! You can't get to QFC without being at least 8 minutes late, and it takes 8 minutes just to walk to QFC, plus walking back, plus actually using the comfort station–”
    “And you know they're not giving you 25-30 minutes up there!”
    “And with all those zones they have on 35th, there's no way you can– you just can't get up to speed.”
    “You can't.” He sighed. 
    “Yeah, that one's a bear. I used to, last shakeup I did the very first 65, it's like at 4:30 or something. Four o'clock in the morning, and I'm already running late! I'd be going reverse peak at Five AM, five minutes down, it's still dark outside.”
    “You know, there was this one time where I pulled out, and managed, miraculously, to get no passengers and no red lights even, all greens, everything, from the terminal to one of the early timepoints. And I was already two minutes late! And of course after that it just snowballed. All greens and no people!”
    “Oh my gosh. Because under those circumstances you'd think you oughta be early.”
    “Yeah.”

    Enough complaining. I tried to remind both of us of a healthier way to look at all this. “You know, there was this senior guy told me once, way back before we had any of this, once he got late, he'd put the runcard back in his pocket and just drive the route safely.” 
    My companion nodded, understanding. “Because why kill yourself.”
    “You know, I do the same thing! Once I know I'm gonna run hot, I change the DDU screen to something else, like the text messages or something, so I can't see the lateness. It works wonders.”
    “Because then you're just being safe.”
    “Instead of sort of, 'seeing red'–”
    “Yeah–”
    “–And getting pissed off at everything that holds you up. Else you're just gonna have a heart attack.”
    “You know,” he said, “I decided to change my focus. I decided to change my focus to, I'm gonna drive it legal.”
    “Yeah.”
    “If I get a yellow, I stop for it. I'm gonna take the turns at five, I'm gonna do this and that, not gonna try and cut all these corners. ‘Course I get really behind. But I just press that Late Beyond Recovery button. When I get to the terminal, of course there's no break, but I press the thing, I'm taking my union break just like it says on the runcard. Now, course I got totally slammed all night–”
    “Ha–”
    “But I felt great! I felt refreshed!”

    I knew just what he meant. “And you know, that's the best feedback you can give them upstairs.”
    “Exactly. All they see are the pie charts of look, these are running mostly on time. They don't know that you're busting your ass to get there. They think oh look, they're on time. And what we're doing to get there is just not safe. I was talking to Kevin about this, he said we are our own worst enemy.” 
    “Totally.”
    “And I've been telling all the other operators, just drive it legally. Or else scheduling's gonna think everything's okay."
    "It's the best feedback you can give. Just run it safely. Which in the case of the 65/67 means being horrendously late all night!”
    “Ha!”
    “And, okay I love your focus on let's do it legal. Because I mean okay sure, you get slammed–”
    “Uh huh–”
    “But I think you feel better, more relaxed, paradoxically, if you’re full but not rushing, as opposed to having a half empty bus but you're killing yourself to stay on schedule.”
    “Yeah. You're in a healthier frame of mind if you're full but taking it easy, instead of being half full while going crazy driving.”
    “And it's better for your body. You're not all tensed up.”
    “Yeah.”
    “And you know how sometimes, you end up catching up when you're not trying to? Like you're having a conversation with somebody, all of a sudden you're hot?”

    We laughed. You do what you can. You find a strategy. Some are healthier than others.

    ​---

    Nathan Converses With His Colleagues: Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

  • Published on

    In the Before

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    My favorite part of the 5 is the slight right onto northbound Fremont Avenue. You’ve just come all the way from West Seattle, through town, up Aurora, and now you’re coming down Fremont Way preparing for that dip and right, getting onto the uphill.

    Do it slowly, relishing how this moment represents the sheer size of everything you’re doing, majestically piloting this beast all over the intersection, a vehicle whose origin point is over an hour south of here, and you’ve still got the whole trip to Shoreline ahead of you.

    I love long routes, and something about this turn embodies the rich satisfaction of moving so many people such a distance. Maybe it’s the fact that you have to take the turn slowly, due to the angle of the roadway. The slowness reveals the massive, the significant. The 5. 


    I wonder if the fellow standing next to me on this cram-packed coach could sense my enthusiasm.

    “I'll be taking your next stop,” he said. A midtown office worker headed home to North Seattle.
    “Oh sure thing,” I replied. “Thanks for stopping in!”
    “Ha!”
    “Keepin’ tabs on me!”

    He got my humor, deadpanning, “You know, it’s a hard life. Going around making sure everyone's…”
    “I was starting to feel lonely up in here!”
    “Yeah,” he remarked, surveying the overloaded space. Must’ve been a hundred souls in here, easy. “You didn't seem like you had quite enough people.”
    “We were missing the crucial ingredient!”
    “Gosh, what a crowd.”
    “I know,” I said. “We got such a great turnout today.”
    “You're just so…”
    “I feel loved!”
    “They had so many options to pick from…”
    “And they chose me!! It's incredible to me really, the stream of humanity that comes through.”
    “All at the one time.”
    “Yeah.” More seriously now, genuinely marvelling. “And it just doesn't end. There was another 5 a couple minutes behind me, and that one was full too!! Which means in the space of this going by, and that one showing up, a while another crowd showed up! Just this endless stream of…”
    “Job security!!”
    “Ha!”

    ​We had no idea what the future held. And we would hardly have benefited from knowing. The nature of life is to enjoy the moment, or at least the recent past, while leaving room for the openness of futures unknown. There would be time for empty buses, civic strife and economic collapse later. We humans are blessed with the ignorance of linear time. Only in our blissful cloud of unknowing could he and I so fully together revel in life's simplest fleeting pleasures, "enjoying," as Goethe wrote in 1787, "all that is enjoyable."

    The passenger above had the gift of looking on the mundane with fondness while it was still happening, before things are reduced to memory.

    I hope I can keep up the same.

  • Published on

    Redmond Summer Reading Program: Meet the Author (Video)

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    Another quick video for today, this time my reflections on why the book is what it is, what its intentions are, and why I wrote it. Just under 6 minutes!
    Buy the book from Elliott Bay here, or from Third Place Books, here, or any of the other locations linked here. While I have the luxury to do so, I'm committed to supporting local bookstores (more on why here).

    Are you having trouble getting hold of the book? Email Chin Music Press at chinmusicpress@gmail.com– they're the ones who can get you more hard copies or (potentially) an ebook!
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    More Film, More Book!

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    Two fun updates–

    My film Men I Trust has been accepted as an official selection at the Venice Intercultural Film Festival, where it will screen (at an abandoned military base, no less, making the most of exciting social distancing possibilities!) on June 26 and 27! Men I Trust is one of only three films representing the US at the festival, and has received the selection honor of “Best Short/Doc on Women.”

    Read Amsterdam's NRFF Artist of the Month interview about the film with me here. Link to the VIFF site here. Watch the trailer, check out pictures and posters and more at the film's official webpage here.

    Also– my book, The Lines that Make Us is Redmond Library's, Microsoft's, and the City of Redmond's choice for their Summer Reading Program! I'm touched particularly because I worked as a page at Redmond Library for 6 years, and never for one second dreamed my book would even be in their system, let alone 36 copies, let alone their choice for the single Summer book. Quite frankly, I have trouble believing it.

    Here's KCLS's official page promoting the book; check back for weekly updates– short video interviews with me about selected chapters from the book, plus a whole lot more. The first interview I've included below, along with a short video from the Mayor of Redmond offering her thoughts as well (thank you, Angela!).

    We're in the process of working with Chin Music Press to get more copies your way; for now, the book is officially in stock and on sale at Elliott Bay– buy the book from them here– or from Third Place Books, here.

    These sorts of things happen only with the support and enthusiasm of folks like yourself. Thanks for indulging my ebullience and slightly crazed positivity!! Enjoy the links above and below, and I'll see you all soon!
  • Published on

    Pacing to a New Beat

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    He was late teens, or early twenties maybe, the age when you’re searching for what to believe and rebellion carries the heat of refreshing excitement. Irony lives large, but sincerity and passion wait around the corner, intermittently revealing hints of their immense future value. He had a nondescript black beanie and dark long-sleeve button-up, untucked and unironed, of a piece with his lean and slouching figure. We were on a northbound 5, cruising into 130th. It was almost his stop. 

    I said, “How's it been going?”
    “Aw, pretty good, bro. And you?”

    I was a young man in my early thirties, verging on middle thirties; the time when youthful confusion has settled down, and sensitivity has revealed its appeal, but also the time when people you know are starting to die, and thoughts of mortality creep in, destabilizing what you thought you knew. I said what happened to be percolating in my mind for that whole drive, and what gave me peace in these chaotic times.

    “I don't understand this life, but I like living in it!”

    He kept staring forward at the road. Thinking. A door was opening in his mind, and he reflected, rising, formulating. Finally he exclaimed, with sudden force and excitement:

    “Fuck yeah!”

    The pause before his words, as landscapes came together. Concepts were formulating; their speed and freedom unleashed his outcry, a mental freedom that made the day all over again. You sensed my phrase gave him a place to put his ironic rebellion, a standpoint which quelled the thirst of sarcasm and pessimism while allowing room for unvarnished, pure appreciation. I got the impression he was realizing he could give himself permission to enjoy things. That the world doesn’t have to make sense, or be perfect. You can still relish the good. He grinned wide on leaving me and nodded significantly to himself, to the pavement and foliage around him, pacing to a new beat. 


    I don’t understand this place, but I like living in it.