• Published on

    Corner

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    Sometimes you see success stories. A year ago a quiet, mild-mannered Latino man would ride my last trip on the 7. Goatee and jailhouse tats, always polite. He'd put his bike on, and we'd talk in the dark out there, winter evenings on Rainier Avenue. It was dark at the front of the bus, and cold, but it didn't feel that way, no; this was your porch on a Sunday evening, and you were getting to know your new neighbor. 

    He would tell me about his background as a tattoo artist. The sodium lamps passed by overhead as we took the curves, momentarily lighting up our faces. He talked of stencils and apprenticeships, portfolios, lining and coloring.... Well-spoken. I never tire of hearing people discuss their passion; you see their potential becoming whole, their eyes glazing over as they remember the ideal they have it in themselves to be.

    He was Armando, and he homeless at the time. I would see him intermittently as the months passed on; always on the move, popping up in different locations with that battered blue bike of his. Never really more than a moment for a quick hello; he always seemed to be in the middle of something. 

    It is no mean feat to rise out of homelessness. When you have the least energy, and are the most poorly equipped to continue- that's when you have to summon forth new reserves. You've got to manufacture that energy yourself, out of thin air. No one will do it for you. To lesser and greater degrees, we've all been backed into an at least vaguely analogous corner; it's the corner where you just can't go any further- but you have to keep going. Sometimes your life doesn't depend on it, and sometimes it does. 

    Recently I saw an Armando lookalike while riding the bus home. Close to a year had passed- more than a year, now. Was that him? Standing at the front of a crowded 41, black t-shirt and backpack, hair tied into a ponytail; I had to know. I got out of my seat and worked my way through the crowd.

    "Hey, man," I said.

    Yes, it was him. Armando's face lit of a fuse of delight upon recognizing me. He'd finally pierced through the great bottomless corner- driving a forklift now, at one of the warehouses in SoDo, for not just minimum wage, but a living wage. He'd put in the long hours at places like Labor Systems, Labor Works, WorkSource, Millionair Club, Parker, Western Avenue, ULMS... it was his unflagging drive which had earned the notice of a shift boss, who'd recognized him as a cut above the rest.

    Armando. Now he was telling me what kind of car he wanted to save up for. A far cry from the lonely nights on Rainier. I wanted to hear all the details, but of course he, giving respect, asked how I'd been as well; I told him which bus he could find me on, and we shook hands into the night. 

    "Where you goin' now?"
    "Home," he said.
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    Judkins Park

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    You'll have to forgive my subdued presence on the blog this week; I'm neck-deep in editing a film for Real Change. It's a celebration of their Vendors of the Year (that's Willy Jones above, whom you know from Third & Columbia; alongside is the incomparable Tricia Sullivan).

    But I wanted to take a moment to share with you a new set of Photographs, as well as this brief anecdote:

    I'm driving the 4 through the Central District, buried somewhere out there in the Judkins neighborhood. Narrow, tree-lined streets, barely squeeze a bus through here, with old homes and yards on both sides; some have barred windows, and some don't. It's a neighborhood in the traditional, communal sense; people know each other. They sit on their porches. Kids leave their toys on the lawn.

    I've formed a habit of waving at people. It seems silly, after all, to drive past every day and not make any sort of contact with these familiar faces. I've spoken before of the Grandmother at 24th & Dearborn; we had a routine going whereupon, if she was at her window, we'd wave at each other with great excitement. She got to know the times I'd drive past, and though we never once spoke, we waved and smiled together about every day for a couple of years. 

    Today she's not there, but further down is the house with all the pink tricycles and barbies scattered about. The two preschool-age African-American girls there have gotten used to my utterly random waves at them. At first they simply stared; then they stared in a friendly way; soon after they began smiling, and subsequently waving in return. Today, they're hidden behind a tree, until I drive past- and here they are, waiting for me, standing in exaggerated matching poses, blowing kisses! I see their Mother behind them on the porch, laughing. We all join in.
  • Published on

    Rejuvenate

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    He's in construction gear, three horizontal stripes and a flourescent vest. You imagine him kicking the dirty boots off and flopping down in front of the tube after a long twelve hours.
    I ask, "all done with work?"
    "Oh, yeah." He's exhausted. His vowels hang in the air  little longer than usual; not from around here.
    "Always a good feeling. Indoor or outdoor?"
    "A bit a both. Mostly turnin' the Slow and Stop sign." 
    "I wish I had one of those things sometimes. Stick it out the window."
    He chuckles. "Whip it out like a school bus."
    "Exactly. Well, a job is a good thing to have these days."
    "Oh, yeah. Anything at this point. Anything's better than holdin' the sign." He means panhandling.
    "Holding the sign is tough. Mentally, I mean. Getting to that headspace."
    "Yeah, people don't realize."
    He watches me greet the passengers. "This one's for you," I say to somebody, handing them a transfer.

    "Where you from?" 
    He listens while I mention LA and its differences from Seattle. I ask the same of him. Our conversation about work has been fairly routine, but a wistful tone emerges as he says,
    "Virginia. Tha's my home."
    "What brought you up here?"
    "J. O. B., man. No wife, no kids, my cousin was up here..."
    "You're free then. That's rare."
    "It's not for me though," he says, gesturing at an ambulance blaring past. 
    "Gets kinda crazy sometimes."
    "Not used to all this. Give me dirt roads, grass fields..."

    It is a mistake to consider the uneducated as somehow lacking in depth of perception. There's a melancholy, plaintive air to his words, less disconsolate than meditative. His face and stance are an actualization of his years past, his gaze invested with a sea of memories, enriching the soul, weighing it down, making it whole. He wipes dirt off his fingernails. 
    "Oh, I know what you mean. Wide open space,"
    "The air, the feel of it all, man. Give me nature. Seeing the stars at nighttime,"
    We rhapsodize the countryside a little further, and arrive at his stop.
    "Well, welcome to Seattle. I hope you make it back home one day."
    "Thanks, man," he says, energized by our short talk. "I will. You got a good attitude."

    He leaves us and rejoins the fray at 3rd and Pike, seeking out the next leg of his trip home; there's a little more vigor in his step now than when he came aboard. He was exhausted then, but in the space of a mere five minutes... where does our vitality continue to spring from, even after we think we've used it all up?

  • Published on

    Coexist

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    I'm putting up my leader's poles at 21st & Jefferson (trolley drivers look out for each other!); a call comes over the radio as I step back in, warning of an African-American woman wandering around the train tracks at Martin Luther King Way.

    "Can't beat that light rail, nigga," says a teenager behind me to his girl, in funereal tones, the two of them in dour agreement over the unequal odds in a rail accident. They're discussing a recent collision, blood everywhere and so on. Something about them makes me smile; perhaps it's the the colloquial nature of their discourse being paired with such severe subject matter. "That's how fool's be gettin' cooked," says the young lady, with an expression so austere it'd be right at home in a Fra Angelico painting.

    The description of the woman comes over the airwaves: "Please don't let this individual on your bus. She's African-American, late thirties early forties, very belligerent..."

    Oh, no; is it her? Are they talking about you-know-who?

    "...around 180 pounds..."

    Good. Not heavy enough. Not enough poundage to be the great LSB-Dub. She may indeed be belligerent, but I wouldn't want her to get hurt; she fills a void that is indeed part of the world. Where else will I encounter such completely non-sensical statements such as what she once told a bearded friend of mine: "Wanna make out? You look like Osama Bin Laden. Let's make out so I can check off Osama Bin Laden off my make-out list!" 

    Recently a fellow bus driver friend called me, leaving a message that left me smiling for days. "Ooohh Nathan, somebody you know...was on my bus," she said in a singsong voice. "I'll call you again. Oh, man. You're gonna love this," she chuckled into the voicemail. She was referring to the passenger in question. 

    There wasn't a hint of malice or fear in my friend's voice, just the high-energy joy of a perception enlightened, one that doesn't seek to control, but simply to coexist, to vivaciously continue alongside all our human brethren. I was thrilled.
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    Center of the Universe

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    A lumbering man dressed entirely in nothing but clear plastic, stentoriously repeating three words, over and over again: "JEFFERSON AND BROADWAY! JEFFERSON AND BROADWAY! JEFFER..." 

    Here's one guy who knows where he wants to go. With him is a caretaker, very discreet and quiet, as if hoping to balance out the outré nature of his charge. "JEFFERSON AND BROADWAY," the fellow repeats, crinkling plastic while he sits down, slurring out the location as best he can. 
    I get on the mic as we approach the zone: "Coming up next is,"
    "-JEFFERSON AND BROADWAY-"
    "Like the man said, Jefferson and Broadway, our stop for Swedish main campus..." I wish I could say I timed it perfectly, but it was just slightly off. We're in the real world, after all. 

    In the gospel tradition of call-and-response preaching patterns, I buoy up his declarations:
    "JEFFERSON AND BROADWAY;"
    "Oh yeah,"
    "JEFFERSON AND BROADWAY;"
    "Uh-huh, you got that right,"
    "JEFFERSON AND BROADWAY;"
    "Gettin' it said-"

    "There it is," I say as we reach the highly anticipated location.
    "JEFFERSON AND BROADWAY," he roars, by way of thanks.
    Suddenly he loses all motor skills in his arms and legs, and has to be dragged off bodily by his able caretaker, clunking down the steps. I get the impression they've done this before. The caretaker looks at me with a rueful smile, shaking his head when I offer to help. "JEFFERSON AND..."

    There's Mo, driving the 3 on the other side, in the Central District. He pulls alongside opposite my 4 and leans out his window. He's smiling. He says, "this is so much fun!"
    "I think so too!"
    "Only for us though!"
    "Yeah, probably just you and me!"
     
    And some other operators, of course. It's an acquired taste.
  • Published on

    Thanks for the Cookie

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    A few days later I saw the young vet in the wheelchair again (see the post below for more). He was crossing Third Avenue, being pushed by a friend, and they were milling about in the ongoing melee known as the Third & Pike bus stop. I'm pulling in, cruising up to the head of the zone. Nowhere near these guys. There's somewhere in the undulating crowd, and I'm jumping outside my bus now, looking for them. Three seconds. A snatch of recognition here and there. My curiosity is compelling me forward: did he make it to the showers? Is he okay now? Five seconds. I want to see peace on his face. Six seconds; there they are. I sprint over to them. 

    "Hey! Hey!"
    He looks up.
    "Did you make it to Urban Rest Stop that one day? Remember, the..."
    "What? Oh. Yeah."
    "Nice. I jus' wanted to make sure everything worked out."
    "Yeah, it worked," he muttered, avoiding eye contact. "Thanks."
    Maybe he was embarrassed. Or stressed. They moved on. 
     
    Thirteen seconds; I'm back on the 70, driving away. Later on, after my shift, I was at Med Mix in the Central District with a friend for dinner. Outside the establishment was a man in a wheelchair, asking the patrons for handouts. I greeted him, made friendly but noncommittal remarks when he asked me for chicken, and went inside. After a time I bought him a cookie and went out to give it to him. He was enjoying a plate of somebody's leftover chicken.

    "Hey, this is for you," I said, handing him the cookie.
    He looked at it before saying, "aw man, couldn't you get me no chicken?"
    "You got chicken right there, dog. This is dessert. That's dinner, and this is dessert."
    "Hey. You got any money I could go buy some chicken?"
    "I got cookies, is what I got. I'm the dessert guy. Gotta keep this meal balanced, my friend. Food Pyramid, bro. This one's for you."
    "Okay. Okay. Alright."
    "You have a good rest of the night now."

    Later on he waved at us through the window as he left for the evening- peace, two fingers- his only gesture of thanks.

    Now, there's something about the lack of gratitude in these two incidents that I actually like. For a time I couldn't put my finger on it. There was a coldness to it that felt in accordance with what Joyce calls the "vast indifferent dome-" the ruthlessly impartial world we live in. It was as if these men knew the helpful attitude I was offering does not- should not- deserve praise. In a model universe, it should be the default norm for human interaction. In their silence, they were telling me this. They didn't have to thank me; I was behaving as one human ought to toward another. Only in the shortage of such do we feel the need to be grateful. 

    Of course I like being thanked. Don't get me wrong. I love it.  It's more than a heartening or flattering sensation. I'll be vitalized because the person thanking me is likely experiencing their version of what I feel when someone is kind to me- that warm sense of belonging, of acknowledgement. It isn't about transfers or directions or free rides; we know those aren't really the things that excite people. It's about the gesture, or lack thereof. You didn't have to help that lady up the stairs, or nod at the thug getting on your bus, but you did. Respect. 

    The notion of having a place in this world, of having your value recognized; the assertion of an equal plane, and the idea that you and I both exist on it. I imagine they're happy not because they think I'm a good person, but rather because of the generous, enveloping sensation that acknowledgement brings. Sharing in this energizes me greatly. When people are grateful, yes, I melt. 

    But there was a buried wisdom in these two men's silences, and it gave me pause. What I am doing is not so worthy of acclaim. Ideally, it should not be remarkable. If anything, their attitude was one with a perverse optimism: they were acting as if people are selflessly generous to each other all the time, and that, well, this was just no big deal since it happens constantly. I'm not out here to garner thanks, though I'm galvanized and rejuvenated by it. The good energy you put out there comes back tenfold, in many ways; but that's not why you put it out there. 

    I'm reminded of what the great operator Ernie L once said to me- "I greet every single passenger. It doesn't matter if they don't respond. What matters is that I put myself out there. I accomplished that."    

    Active, not reactive.