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The Question

2/2/2017

7 Comments

 
Picture
They can still be one of your favorite passengers, even if you hardly see them more than once or twice a year. The last time I saw Joshelyn was the New Year's Eve prior to the most recent one. She'd just acquired keys to her new apartment, further north on Rainier, and she was excited. We spoke of reduced commute times, new roommates, and the adventure of transporting possessions by bus.

She was a unique compliment to the riders around her, especially at night in the southlands. Her demure ponytail and sensible attire, chosen with warmth in mind, couldn't disguise a certain electric vitality, unafraid and insistent on being herself, regardless of the circumstances. Sitting cross-legged on the bench seat. Something powerful in her slight, unassuming frame, radiating from those sharp blue eyes– or maybe sharp green eyes, I can never remember.

We bonded over books. How refreshing, this lettered, erudite young mind steeped in books not just from school, more than able to hold her own against her busmates, unsuspecting older men trying to tell her the state of things. Some among the younger set try to hide their intellectual acumen, not realizing there's a way to be smart and stylish at the same time. I wonder if they ask themselves, who exactly am I trying to impress, in my effort to limit my own perspectives, and to what degree is it worth it?

Joshelyn's likely in her post-collegiate years, but she has the relaxed confidence of someone either older or much younger. Her voice doesn't need to broadcast her affinities, feels no pressure to proclaim her quality. I'm impressed by people like that. 

Tonight, one year later, our conversation isn't about books or moving furniture. She's telling me about her new squeeze, and it's next-level stuff. They've eloped. "Serious" is the wrong term, although that would be true; potent is better. Spirited. She's been in long relationships before– very long ones– and she knows what heartache is. So when she, with her battle-scarred heart, tells of how excited she is about this new fellow, I pay attention. It's an unusual mixture; she's Juliet on the balcony, walking on air, but she's been through so much more. I expect this ebullience from teenagers. How does she do it, friend? Listen to that voice, those sparkling eyes. 

The fact that she possesses the very same is a causer de joie, proof that we can rebuild without putting up walls, that we can still find it in ourselves to be vulnerable, that hardest and most worthwhile thing. Brené Brown, PhD: "vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change."

Joshelyn asked me, "have you ever been in love?"

She put the question with genuine excitement. She asked because she knew it was the most beautiful mode of existence, and that it was exceedingly rare. She asked because she knew it lived in fiction more frequently than in life. That being in a relationship was no kind of guarantee, and sometimes the loneliest place of all. She asked because she knew it sometimes never happens, but if it did, you cherished it, no matter how awkward or strange or new. She asked because she trusted I was smart enough to know these things. Her voice carried the wisdom that was nimble enough to be foolish, brave enough to be open.

I thought for a long time before answering.
7 Comments
Bekah J
2/7/2017 07:21:59 pm

You really caught me leaning over that cliff hanger. Lol!

This was a good one!

Reply
Nathan
2/9/2017 12:33:17 pm

Excellent! That was partly the intent! At my age I feel like it's a topic I can only answer with suppositions.

Reply
Bekah J
2/13/2017 07:03:23 pm

I'm in the habit of thanking male bus drivers with a solid "sir" at the end. I've found that most of them appreciate that little bit of acknowledgement. At least I hope!

Other times? I know it can also make people feel aged. Everyone's different. Male, female, or mistakenly labeled non-binary, alike.

With that being said, you ain't old. ;) And, suppositions work well with this post!

Bekah J
2/7/2017 09:38:40 pm

And I'm still laughing! It was so good to finally meet you!! Wow. You seriously reflect your blog words like a mirror. But even deeper than that.
It was seriously my honor!
:)
...
How am I gonna sleep? That was amazing!

Reply
Nathan
2/9/2017 12:38:37 pm

That was absolutely and unbelievably fabulous!!! What wildly fortuitous timing! I'm so glad I sound like my blog, ha! Always a joy to share among like-minded perspectives. And it was an honor to finally be able to put a face to the incredible Bekah J namesake!

Reply
Bekah J
2/13/2017 09:42:24 pm

Lol, I'm right there with you! What did you say? Something about stars lining up? :)

Anyway, yes! You really do! Although it's definitely more satisfying to actually listen to the person you've been reading for almost three years. Vs. just...reading!


I will say, too...

Thinking back on it, the one thing that continued to surprise me during that entire exchange of time, was how you, yourself, would punctuate or emphasize certain words in your speech.

Your speech.

I remember thinking to myself, why is this sitting with me so strongly?

Ohhhh. Thaat's why.

I don't read about how you SPEAK with your passengers.
I read about YOUR focus on them. Things that they reveal to you, trust you with, words or phrases they emphasize.

Huh!

Who would have thunk?

---Hahaha. Incredible namesake. That's very generous of you to say. Thank you!! And thank you TOO for chatting with me during your break! God knows those are precious.

Nathan
2/15/2017 10:38:45 am

Bekah J!

Yes, "sir" is an appellation I receive nowhere but on driving the bus in uniform. It sounds odd. Context so dramatically changes how people perceive others. Out of uniform I might be the person those same kids calling me "sir" ignore, laugh at, etc.

Once I was going down an escalator and passed a couple in their 40s. I said, "thanks, guys," as they moved aside for me. The wife thought I said, "thanks, miss," and called out after me, sincerely, "thank you SO MUCH for calling me miss!"

And yes, aligning planets for sure! So great. And very interesting to hear about what I inadvertently tend not to write about (my own speech). Hugely fascinating. You're getting the internal view here on the blog, about what it looks like from the 'tunnel' of my perspective, but now you know what the outside of the tunnel looks like! Yay!

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