Welcome.
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Book
  • On Cinema
    • Essays on Film
    • Top Film Lists & Reflections
    • On Terrence Malick
    • Nathan's Thesis
  • Photography
    • Death in Paris
    • Venizia
    • Napoli
    • Havana
    • Roma
    • Seoul
    • Milano
    • Shenzhen
    • Taipei
  • Men I Trust
  • About
  • Press
  • Speeches!
  • Upcoming Shows
  • Films

Better to Suffer Injustice Than to Do It

12/22/2021

6 Comments

 
Picture
It's near midnight. Isn't always near midnight when stories happen? A figure is running over. I'm early, sitting here at Campus Parkway for an extra light cycle. No need to leave this fellow in the dust. I'm feeling generous. Why am I feeling generous?

About twenty minutes ago eggs were thrown at my bus, spew-cascading off my left side and mirrors. It took me a bit to piece together. First a flash more like a sound, a scattering sparking flare on the asphalt; then I notice my left exterior mirror, newly hazy, slimy, the only time yellow is ever offensive. The car speeding off now makes sense. I'm more confused than hurt. What did this mean? What can it mean?

Seeing this running figure now, I didn't have the energy to be spiteful. He was a tall black man wearing all black, American, hiking up the fabric of his jeans, the better to allow him to run. Urban fashion du jour– sagging pants, overheavy construction boots, unlaced basketball sneakers, loads of heavy fabric, layered jackets over hoodies… people who dress like this can't move quickly. But he put himself together as best he could, hustling briskly over. You do what you have to do.

“Man,” he breathed. “I appreciate you so much.”
“Oh for sure.”
“Seriously though, thank you.”
“Always! I know the feeling!”
“Oh man. You changed my night. I'm so grateful.” I could tell he meant it, too, out here in the late night. Not everyone about at this time is actually going anywhere. But for those with destinations, a desperation sets in as the buses become less frequent, each hour a little colder.
“Dude, for sure. Too long to wait for the next bus, you know?”
He grinned in the dark. “I KNOW!”

As we pulled away I added, “I ride the bus all the time, so I know how it feels.”
“You already know. Man there's times when I come runnin’ up on the side the bus I got my hands together like this, begging. I'm begging! And he done just drives off.”
“Ooohh! That's terrible! Why!”
“Or another time I'm tryna get the 49, it's 'bout two o’clock in the morning, right–”
"Yeah." I've driven that one. He had the storyteller’s enthusiasm, and more. Look at his eyes glinting brightly, his pearly white teeth gleaming against the dim interior. I briefly wondered if he’d had braces, like me. Straight teeth, clean skin. Good-looking guy. He continued.
“And I'm begging, bro!”
I was reminded of this moment. The gesture of an appeal to one's better angels gets to me. I said, "how could anyone say no to that?"
“Yeah! And he leaves me, but I run after him. And I make it down to the next one, and then the next one and he lets me on. But that was after I chased him all the way down.”
“Man, the stress! ‘Specially that time of night. I'm so sorry. I try to make up for those guys.”
“You so do. Man, thank you. You made my night. Now I got something to tell my wife. This was th’ highlight of the whole day. What's your name?”
“Nathan.”
“Nathan, my name's JJ.”
“Good to meet you.”
“You too.”

Some people hide their enthusiastic verve because they're worried about being made fun of. He didn't have an iota of that in his DNA. I decided to be honest about my feelings. Do you know the sensation, when you realize you’re among like company?

“Actually, dude, I'm glad you stepped in, ‘cause right before you got on there was some guys in a car that was throwin’ eggs at the bus.”
“What? Eggs?”
“Yeah, just drivin' past. There's some on the outside of the bus." I gestured to my left.

He heard me. He really heard me. He was slowing down now, a birthing seriousness. I could see him picturing the event. “Man, that's messed up.”
“I was like, where's this coming from, why would they do that? Are these high school kids or something?” At what age do we learn that being spiteful, holding grudges– is a waste of time?
“Eggs? At a bus? Maaan," he said, incredulously. "I wish't I could a been there, I woulda hopped out and–”
“It's like, come on now! And it's not like I did anything to them, cut 'em off or something, they just came outta nowhere.”
“Yeah, I see one on th’ glass there." Referring to my left side mirror.
“I can't take it personal though, cause... they don't know me.”
“Yeah. That's the world we live in though.”
“Yeah, it's a funky time right now.”
“TikTok and all that, people rather do that and go to jail. Man, why they wanna throw shit at a bus?”
“Doesn't make any sense!”

He said it suddenly, with urgency: "I wanna wash it off for you."
I looked at him. The passion in his voice went straight to my heart. I didn't know what to say.
"I’ll hop out really quick the next time you stop.”
“Aw, it's cool," I said. "Thank you though, I appreciate you.”
“Naw, man–”
“You don't have to do that.”
He said, “Bro. We gotta take care of each other.”

And with that he was out the bus at Rainier Vista, before I could say anything. I pulled the emergency brake. He grabbed a few masks from the dispenser as impromptu paper towels and scrambled over to my left side, scrubbing and wiping away. This man cared. He needed to balance out the world's hate. He wanted to show me my fragile goodness, my kind intentions, were appreciated. That they deserved more than trampling.

We gotta take care of each other.

I could have cried. He leapt back inside with alacrity, saying, “There, that's better. I hope that's better.”
“You're amazing,” I said, looking at him. “Seriously, thank you.”
“Got to look out for our bus drivers!”
“Man, JJ, thank you so much.” We were parked at a bus stop, and outside my still-open doors was a young woman waiting for another bus. I looked at her and yelled out, gesturing to my friend whom she’d just watched clean the bus, “this is the man o' the year right here! Man of the year!” She smiled. He did too.

We were on our way.

Like nothing had happened, he and I were back to talking.
“It's crazy, 'cause, I'm used to driving routes that are more... intense than this, like I drive the 7 and the E Line, but this never happened on those ones! And this' the 75, and nothing ever happens on the 75–"
“NOTHING!” he practically roared, in wild agreement. This guy knew the lay of the land.
“Totally! On those routes, people would sometimes step up to help me when something was going down, and I always appreciated that. People helping each other out.”
“Man, if this happened on those routes I bet some folks woulda stepped out the bus to take care of that car, no questions asked. Eggs? Seriously, who is these people?”

At some point you run out of air complaining, and life starts back up again. Thank goodness for that. I said, “so you just gettin' offa work?”
“Yeah, I'm at the Gyro place on the Ave.”
“I hope they give you a discount on the food.”
“Yeah, family owned, so stop in!”

So that's why he was out here. His last words are how I remember him. He said them with unabashed enthusiasm:
“Man, I wish there was more I could do for you. You changed my night. Thank you!”

Some guy running after the bus from across the street holding up his pants with one hand. Can you believe it? That's the nicest passenger of the night.

---

I reflected as I drove away. I thought about him, but I couldn't help think about the eggs and eggers as well. You've been there, I think, mistreated before in some way. Our friend above has too, I'm sure, and I imagine that's at least partly what motivated his vigor in correcting the night's error. You've suffered, and afterwards the question has nagged you also: why do certain people sometimes hurt other people?

We have to start by remembering two things. Firstly, as Rutger Bregman points out, humans only do evil when it's disguised as good. When it achieves a balance or aim they deem worthy. Secondly, people often assume other people think and behave like them. A cynic will interpret your actions cynically. A pessimist will think you're pessimistic, or else not pessimistic enough. Crucially, a distrusting and deceitful person will assume you are the same. They will not perceive their slip-up in assuming this. You may be gullible and friendly, like me; but they can still think you're manipulative and hateful, if that's their own modus through life. People don't see you. They see their experience of you, and that perception is based on the totality of their life experiences up until that moment. Which have nothing to do with you, of course. You want to ask them, are you really at all surprised by your conclusion?

The root of all anger is mistrust. And anger's search for a release can manifest in harm done to others, feeble attempts to assert power over others, the self hunting for itself in all the wrong places. These poor souls don't have a clue. They spend a lifetime not figuring out what the rest of us already know: none of that will actually help you. Stop looking outward.

In the long run, for the ease of your heart and the health of your soul, it is infinitely better to receive harm than to cause it. Nothing calcifies the soul like pretending to yourself you are good when you know, deep down, that you aren't. As the film says, better to suffer injustice than to do it.

Those boys (or girls) had no idea why they egged my bus. But I know why. It was so I could be bathed in glowing goodness and love twenty minutes later. So I could know how that feels, how real and true the best sides of humanity are.

You remember Angel of Third and Marion, from this speech of mine. I'm now christening this fellow Angel of Campus Parkway. Remember: Some Guy running around Campus Parkway at midnight.

I'm so glad I gave him a chance.
6 Comments

    RSS Feed

    Subscribe

    Nathan


    -What is this blog? Check out the explanatory first post, or read the  front-page Seattle Times writeup here! 

    Here's a one-page crash course with links and highlights: Nathan Vass 101

    My Book is Finally Easy to Purchase!

    -For New Bus Drivers: Thoughts, Tips, and Stories
    -How to Drive the 7: The Complete Care Package

    Popular posts:

    Only have time for one story? Try these. 
    -The Day The Earth Stood Still
    -Le Park de Cal Anderson
    -
    21st Century Man
    -One Last Story (Video)
    ​
    -Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Great & Terrible 358
    -I'M A LIGHT-SKINNED BLACK WOMAN!
    -The Final Flurry: Index
    ​
    -Scroll down on this sidebar to "On the Street," below, for more highlights~

    Personal:
    -International Examiner Interview (Plus a word to my fellow Hapas!)
    -
    Full (Redmond) Circle (includes event gratitude writeup index)
    -Surviving the Social Desert: Nathan on High School
    -With What Time We Have
    -My Seattle
    -On Second Acts
    -Yves Klein, Color of the Heavens
    ​
    ​-Popular Posts from 2018, with Commentary
    -Nathan Vass, 2019 Washington State Book Award Finalist
    -Nathan on the Elliott Bay event: Parts I, II, and III
    -Seattle Magazine / Third & Cherry
    -Pretty Sure I Don't Deserve This
    -How I Live Now
    -Escaping the Overlords: Nathan on Comcast
    ​
    -I Am Now Ten Years Old
    -Confession
    -Flowers in a Pool of Blood: Thoughts From an American in Paris
    -Paris, One Year Later: A Personal Perspective
    -The Transgender Ban
    -Nathan on the Las Vegas shootings: On Terror & Other Things
    ​
    -The Birthday That Almost Never Happened
    ​
    -Nathan Takes a Day Off:
    Part 1 (See Nathan Run);
    Part 2 (Nathan Gets Excited); 
    Part 3 (Nathan Sounds Like Morgan Freeman)
    -Rad(iation) City
    -La La Land & What Los Angeles Means
    -Reparations
    -Names Nathan gets called! A list in three parts: 1, 2, 3
    -Where and How it All Began
    -How I Write the Posts, and Why
    -Chaleur Humaine
    -A Story
    -What Not to Say​
    -In Praise of Silver Hair
    -You're Been a Good Friend of Mine
    -...And a Splendid New Year!
    -Nathan Converses With His Colleagues: Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8... and 65

    Political:
    -What's In a Number (Trump's legacy)
    -Praise Island (Biden's win)
    -The United States of Floyd
    -The Great Male Detoxification Project
    -The Day the Music Died
    -Kindness In the Days of After
    -Understanding Love & Hate During Trump Nation
    -More than Health, More than Money
    -Seattle, Center of the Modern Universe
    ​
    ​-What We Did, Today
    -This Story Has Nothing to do With Donald Trump
    -Don't Be Scared of My Friends, Part I
    -Don't Be Scared of My Friends, Part II
    -The Music Isn't Dead (Yet)
    -Nathan Actually Talks Politics, Pt III: Keeping the Music Alive
    -Pulling Our Weight, Part II: Addressing the Homeless Laziness Question
    -Getting Some Diversity Off My Chest
    ​
    -The Veterans
    -Islamofriendia
    -Be at Peace, Mr. Garner. We Will Love the World For You
    -The Streets Regard Ferguson
    -How do You Change the World? Thoughts on Violence
    -Cowboys of the New Age: Status & Respect in the American Ghetto
    -A Boy Named Hamza: Thoughts on Hate in Three Parts 
    -It Used to Sound Like This

    ​On film & art:
    -Trois Objets 1: on Michael Mann's Heat
    -Trois objets 2: On Antonello da Messina's Annunciate Virgin
    -Trois Objets 3: On East of Eden
    -On Laura's Book
    -Nathan on Seattle's Waterfront: Before and After
    ​-Nathan's Films of 2019: Top 2 Plus 23 Runners Up (photos, trailers, analysis & more)
    -Once Upon a Time... in Dreams: On Tarantino, Violence, and Transcendence
    -On Finishing Men I Trust
    -The Lie & How to See It: On Hate, Despair & Hope in Contemporary Film
    -
    Notre Thoughts
    -Addressing Despair: Nathan on First Reformed
    -How Evergreen Became Irrelevant
    -October 2018 show breakdown: all the deets 
    -On Color Darkrooms
    -The Non-Bailers: Thank You to the Cast & Crew of Men I Trust, Pt I
    -People I Trust: Thanks to My Cast and Crew, Pt 2
    -Nathan's Overlooked Films of 2016: Trailers, photos, analyses
    -A Bus Driver Reviews the New Bus Driver Movie! 
    -My Films
    -Song to Song and Malick: The Cutting Edge
    ​
    -Nathan on Wet Lab Prints
    -Kehinde Wiley: The Morning After
    -Nathan the Friendly Hermit, Part I: Nathan Gets Pasty
    -
    Nathan the Friendly Hermit, Part II: Pastier and Pastier
    -Birdman, (a) Film of the Decade
    -
    Gone Girl: Fidelity & Subjectivity
    -On Gravity and Identity
    ​-Primary Colors with Music: Andrea Arnold's American Honey
    -Sicario: Why Visuals Matter
    -The Martian: On Intelligence in Pop Culture
    -About Elly
    -Best films of 2015: Trailers, photos, analyses
    -Selected writings on films released in 2014, 2013, and 2012. 

    On the Street:
    -It's Complicated (on Rainier RapidRide)
    -Jessica Lee
    -Ah, Volume
    -Eulogy for the Damned
    -King Travis
    ​-The Great and Terrible Fifth & Jackson: An Ethnography
    The Veterinarian: A Story on Grief in 4 Parts
    -The Glow
    -Decent Street: Kendrick, Gender, Lingo, & the Good Man Problem
    -The Shake'N'Bake: Parts 1, 2, & 3
    -
    Pulling Our Weight, Part I
    -Pulling Our Weight, Part II: Addressing the Homeless Laziness Question
    -I've Been Sainted
    -Dominique The Mystique
    ​
    -Deserve, the Concept and the Song
    ​-Gangsta Phone Strategy, Deep Breaths & Kindness Rising
    -The Joy of Bus Driving
    -The Knife's Edge Dance
    ​
    -The Soulful Stench
    -"Everybody Need to Quit Acting Hard and S**t"
    -The Mother's Day Apocalypse
    -Ode to the 358
    -"I BET YOU APPROVE UH GAY MARRIAGE"
    -The Question
    -By Himself
    -Appreciation
    -Banter in the Nighttime
    -The Nathan Train
    -The Benevolent Roar
    -Truthfulness, the Final Currency
    -Love is in the Air
    -Surfing the Sparkling Wave
    ​-Saddest Music in the World​
    -Rainier & Henderson, Baby!
    -Sheeeeeeyyiitt: Strategies for Day or Night
    ​-AngryNice I (Love Through Frustration)
    AngryNice II: Tran Chimes In
    AngryNice III (We've All Felt It)
    -Love (Hurting From a Lack Thereof)
    -Hip to be Joyful
    -Future, Present, Past
    ​-Changing Awful
    -Harsh
    ​-The Nameless Heroes
    -The Break-Up
    -Tropic Of
    -Figuring it All Out in the Bullpen
    -Leaving Small Talk Behind
    ​-She Did It On a Monday
    ​-One Day, My Friend
    -I Am Now Two Years Old
    ​-The Harder Thing
    -Poker Face Practice
    -The Great Freeze

    For Bus Drivers!
    --How to Drive the 7: The Complete Care Package
    -
    -It's Called Working
    -
    -Bus Driver Appreciation Day: Coronavirus Style
    -The Swagger I Love: Thoughts on My Fellow Operators
    ​-A Love Letter for My Colleagues: Exercises and Stretches for Operators
    -What I've Learned From Other Bus Drivers
    -Rest in Peace, Breda Monster
    -I Don't Know What a Trolley is, Part I
    -I Don't Know What a Trolley is, Part II
    -Verbal

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Book
  • On Cinema
    • Essays on Film
    • Top Film Lists & Reflections
    • On Terrence Malick
    • Nathan's Thesis
  • Photography
    • Death in Paris
    • Venizia
    • Napoli
    • Havana
    • Roma
    • Seoul
    • Milano
    • Shenzhen
    • Taipei
  • Men I Trust
  • About
  • Press
  • Speeches!
  • Upcoming Shows
  • Films