The View From Nathan's Bus

A question for you all

7/27/2012

On the 4, outbound, nobody's left on the bus, and I whisk past Hill street on MLK, and there's two local youngsters, teenagers probably, hangin' out on the sidewalk. I wave to them but I have no expression, my face frozen in some sort of totally unnecessary zen zombie driving face. One of them makes eye contact with me, and offers a warm smile. He must know me. The split second is past as I drive by, but it was there. I really wish I could've been smiling then. Shoot. His was warm and real and genuine and contained the multitudes a tiny moment can easily handle. All I had in return was a blank stare, like a water buffalo who's not hungry. Hope he knows I smiled wide the moment I went by. Hope I get another chance. That guy's quick on his feet.

I have a couple of huge posts coming up, at least one of which will go up over the weekend. Meanwhile, I have a question-

Recently I came across a commendation given to me some time ago. This was when I was doing the 10. A passenger- I believe, an older gentleman- had written in, praising my attitude. The bus was utter chaos that day, and I had handled things in a way that impressed him. I'm quite tempted to reproduce his description of the day here, but I blush at his kind and generous description of my actions, and I suppose I ought to preserve the privacy of his writing. Anyways, it was great to get his feedback, and I was thrilled. It's one of the better commendations I've ever received, and I'm thankful that the gent took the time to write it.

But.

I was struck by one of the closing sentences in the commendation. It reads, "This is an exceptional human being. I would get to know him better if I could."

Now, my question to you is, what on earth does that mean? I'd get to know him better if I could? What societal pressures is he referring to that make him think he is unable to do just that? Do we live in a time and place where people cannot meet with others unless they have an agenda- political, romantic, or otherwise? Are we supposed to avoid contact unless there's a personal gain to be had, or an ongoing interaction to be created? Do we admire rather than interact, for fear of spoiling that which we enjoy observing, or because it's the easier path to take? I don't know myself. Maybe he was just passing through Seattle, or had a sore throat that day. I'm quite curious to hear your thoughts, whether in the comments below, or email, or the next time you and I chat. Don't be shy!

4 Comments

Caroline J.

7/27/2012 09:32:01 am

You pose some great questions. I don't think everyone has an agenda, although some clearly do. I tend to think that depending on where you live in the US and the world, societal norms get in the way. Because of a difference in age, his circumstances, and circumstances/relationship by which he knows you, he may not think it's something he can do. It may not be welcomed, throw you off guard (he may think it would be an unusual relationship and you may be surprised and not know how to react), may not be appropriate, or he may not know how to go about it, or he may be too shy. Like most of us, he's likely making assumptions based on what he knows from his past/present reality, from what he has observed in other people's reality. This perception can change, but he needs an example to believe so.

Nathan

7/29/2012 11:51:57 am

Hey Caroline, good to hear from you! I agree about norms, and his probable worry about my reaction. I suppose it has to be us who take that first brave step in communication, in bridging those pesky norms! It frustrates to me that there doesn't seem to be an acceptable standard for simply spending time with strangers. I recently saw the Woody Allen movie, "Another Woman," whereupon Gena Rowlands invites Mia Farrow, a stranger, to lunch, more out of platonic curiosity about life than anything else. She doesn't have much intention of starting a friendship, but they have a fulfilling time nonetheless, for that one day. I was excited by the idea.

Richard

7/27/2012 03:12:32 pm

I think you answered your own question. Could be any, or a combination of all the factors you mentioned. It's great he took the time to write and would have perhaps enjoyed ever more interaction but 'lifes circumstances' sadly got in the way.... For whatever reason...

7/29/2012 12:15:21 pm

Richard, I'm glad you enjoy the blog. I agree, the fact that he took a moment to write in about something positive is mind-blowing in its own right. Sometimes the transient nature of customer interaction on the bus is good, as in, I wouldn't want to invite all these guys over to my house, but other times you wish they would ride for a little longer, because there's more that you want to talk about. I love it when a customer feels comfortable enough to come up and chat.

A question for you all

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Nathan

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